When I "returned" to being a woman. And as a transman I found myself a feminist

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A splendid testimony from our new collaborator Valentina Beoni.

When I still identified as a trans man, I often reacted badly to comments on social media and in particular to those of radical feminists (whom I called “TERF”). I had also argued with Magdalen Berns, gender critic and British YouTuber who passed away in 2019, because of her success you are not bad (you are not a male) me I had filled her with insults.

As soon as I decided to stop the transition path I thought I'd go and look for her to apologize, and after discovering that she had passed away I read comments from trans activists like this under her videos:one less" or "finally“.

I state that despite my decision to “become” a woman again, I continued to participate in trans activism groups, thinking that I can somehow contribute or help even with my experience. But when I came across those comments I made the drastic decision to no longer be a trans activist, moreover I realized that it wasn't for me and that my experience of detransitioner it was very discredited and I was often insulted (not within the group I was part of, but mostly from trans people on the outside, activist or otherwise).

I have always been a very open person, perhaps too much, and even a little naively I always thought there could be a compromise to get everyone to agree. I remember that (always on social media) I tried to convince religious fundamentalists to consider homosexuality normal (and sometimes I even succeeded!). Today however, I realize that Getting everyone to agree is not always possible. There are issues on which you need to take a position and push your idea forward.

I therefore stopped being a "conflict mediator" at any cost. There was a decision to be made: either liberal feminism or radical feminism. The question that I was most interested in understanding concerned gender and the various questions that arise from it. What is gender identity? Is gender a social construct? Should the genre be demolished or should a new one be created or even more than one?

My experience as a detransitioning woman made me understand something very basic: sex cannot be changed and believing you can do it is delusional. At the same time one person, I believe, should be free to undertake the transition if you think that modifying your body can make you feel comfortable. This thought of mine seems to be conflicting, contradictory. Yet there are transsexual people who embrace this thought and this makes me feel relieved.

This is how I got closer to the group Radfem Italy and I got some background on radical feminism. Usually when I make choices of this type I look at both the idea behind a movement and the various positions on important issues, but not only that: I like to relate to the people who represent this idea. In radical feminism I found a real community, I found sisters, women who deeply believe in what they do and they work concretely to achieve it, without clinging to simple slogans. I found genuine, sincere people who they are not afraid to say what they really think, even at the cost of losing the "graces" of the mainstream community.

I'm happy to have found myself as a woman and above all to have found myself as a feminist.

Valentina Beoni

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When I “rebecame” a woman. And from transman I ended up a feminist

A splendid testimony from our new collaborator Valentina Beoni

When I still identified as a transexual man, I often reacted badly to comments on social media especially to those of radical feminists (that I called TERF). I had even argued with Magdalena Berns, gender critic and British youtuber who passed in 2019, because at her affirmation “you are not a male “I covered her in insults.

 As soon as I had decided to interrupt my transition process, I thought about looking her up to apologise, and after discovering she had passed, I read comments of gender trans activist “one less” or “finally” under her videos.

I state that even though I had decided to “rebecome” a woman, I had continued to participate in trans activist groups, thinking I could in some way contribute or help through my experience. However, when I stumbled upon those comments, I took the drastic decision to stop being a trans activist, furthermore I realized that it was not for me and that my experience as a detransitioner was very discredited and I was often insulted (not within the group I belonged to, but in particular by trans people on the outside, activists and non).

I have always been a very open person, maybe too much so, and a bit naively I always thought there could be a compromise that could get everyone to agree. I remember that (on social media) I had tried to convince religious fundamentalist to consider homosexuality normal (and sometimes I even succeeded). Today though I realize that trying to get everyone to agree is not always possible. There are matters where you must take your stand and move forward with your idea.

So, I stopped being a “conflict mediator” at any cost. There was to decide: either liberal feminism or radical feminism. The issue that mattered to me the most regarded gender and the various questions born from it. What is gender identity? Is gender a social construct? Should gender be demolished, should a new one be created or even more than one?

My experience as a detranstioning woman made me comprehend a very basic notion: sex cannot be changed and to think it can be is delirious. At the same time a person, I think, should be free to be able to transition if they think that modifying their body can make them feel more comfortable in their own skin. This belief of mine seems to be conflicting, contradictory. However, there are transsexual people that share my belief, and this is reassuring to me.

This is why I approached the Radfem Italia group and I gathered some information on radical feminism. Usually when making these kinds of choices I look both at the ideal that is at the base of the movement and at the various positions not only on important thematics: I like to relate to the people who represent this ideal. Within radical feminism I found an actual community, I found a sisterhood, women who strongly believe in what they do and make every effort to achieve it, without resorting to simple slogans. I found some genuine, sincere, people who are not afraid to say what they truly think, even at the cost of losing the “grace” of the mainstream community.

I am glad I rediscovered myself as a woman and especially as a feminist.

Valentina Beoni


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