12 February 2021

The girls' tenderness for 'the two dads'.

Please be aware that the translation of contents, although automatic, has a cost to Feminist Post but is provided to you without any charge. Please consider making a contribution via the "Support us" page if you intend to use our translation service intensively.
The contents of this site are translated using automatic translation systems without the intervention of professional translators.
Translations are provided for the sole purpose of facilitating reading by international visitors.
Share this article

Some time ago on the blog "Dad by choice"a video with two children and their two fathers sending Christmas greetings via Skype to their 'surrogate mother' (belly-mummy) overseas. Everything is perfect, smiling children, caring fathers, Christmas home, gifts, the belly-mummy, the mum-belly in connection with her children and husband: a 'big extended family', says the end of the video.

Many comments express puzzlement at this narrative of absolute happiness: Skype is not enough to heal the wound of separation from the mother.. Others build a wall of solidarity with the two men, especially from young women.

Why do girls empathise so easily with the procurers of surrogacy, especially if they are gay? Why, on the other hand, is there no empathy for the children whose mothers have been taken away, nor for the woman who gave up her body - invariably in exchange for money - for gestation and childbirth, and who is praised for her ''sense of responsibility''?free choice"?  

Rational arguments have no place in the discussion, the solidarity of many girls with the 'two fathers' seems instinctive, visceral, unquestionable. It is at least partly an automatism: the rights claimed by the LGBTQ+ world cannot be opposed, especially if you are modern, progressive and left-wing. Those who do are right-wingers, and therefore as a matter of principle any discussion is nipped in the bud.

But surely there is more -and that is the main issue-: the difficulties of young women with the idea of motherhood. The plan is that of symbolic motherhood rather than that of real mothers, the women who gave birth to us, who brought us up and who may still be with us in our everyday lives. Maybe it is our good fortune to have had a sufficiently good mother (Donald Winnicott), most of the time fortunately it goes like this. But nwe neither want nor can we identify with herThis difficulty grows from generation to generation, even if the real mothers of today's 20-year-olds are certainly different from those who experienced Feminism in the 1970s.

Those who are mothers today have been children since 1968, they have absorbed and experienced a strong idea of freedom, they have usually studied, worked, and have a much more active and aware sex life. An enormous leap compared to the mothers of the previous generation. Yet for the daughters of these women the stereotype of the oppressed and losing mother is still very much alive. And it is partly justified by the loneliness and fatigue they have seen, the lack of help, the sentimental disappointments they have witnessed, the low social esteem for the maternal role they have observed. Real life is made up of women who give up work for good after their second child and even after the first birth, with the bitterness and frustration of depending on others to get by. How, then, can we expect girls to see in motherhood positive models of self-fulfilment?

The 'surrogate' mother, on the other hand, is a model of 'self-entrepreneurship'. female, one who uses motherhood to her advantage, does not suffer it as an obligatory destiny but chooses it as a source of income and gives the opportunity to new families, really different, really free and modernto realise their projects. We do not see her physical and psychological fatigue, the risks to her health, or the state of need - great or small - that drove her to lend her body and separate from her child. She is someone who has chosen, who exercises her 'right', who is a mother but is not, or rather is in a modern way and 'for others'. that they could not be, in the case of gays because they are male. The arguments are not so far removed from those used to defend the right to sell one's body in prostitution: there it is 'sex work', here it is 'mother work'.

From these arguments There is a lack of awareness of bodies that appear disembodied and dematerialised. After all, GPA is just a highly medicalised 'technique': sperm that fertilise ova given for money by a young woman with an excellent phenotype (beautiful, with a high IQ and a good education), subjected to risky hormone therapy and painful surgery for this purpose. And then the embryo implanted in another body that is also normally destined to disappear from the scenelacking any particular genetic qualities. This body also underwent hormone therapy to accommodate the 'unnatural' pregnancy, a body that never seems to suffer, neither risk miscarriage (the 'product of conception' is genetically completely unrelated to the woman), nor an abnormal pregnancy, nor run any risks at the time of delivery. No blood, no pain, no dirt. In most cases, the baby is delivered 'cleanly' by scheduled caesarean section. A body-machine that does not feel (like the alienated body of prostituted women), does not throb, does not scream. No guts, no blood, no tears. 

Perhaps only one question could shake the confidence of these girls: would you donate your eggs? So why don't you do it, if you think it is an act of great generosity? The law allows it. And another one: Italian legislation prohibits surrogacy, but it has already happened - even in Italy - that a court has allowed gestation for others: what is stopping you from making yourself available?

Francesca Cirelli and Anna Perenna

Much of the news published by Feminist Post you will not read elsewhere. That is why it is important to support us, even with a small contribution: Feminist Post is produced solely by the voluntary work of many people and has no funding.
If you think our work can be useful for your life, we will be grateful for even the smallest contribution.

You can give us your contribution by clicking here: Patreon - Feminist Post
   - or -
Obligatory reason: FEMINIST POST
IBAN: IT80C0200812914000104838541
You might also be interested in
24 January 2023
The problem is not rooming-in but the loneliness of mothers
After the sad story of the baby who died next to his mother at the Pertini in Rome, for some the solution is to keep the babies in the nurseries and not in the room. But rooming-in was strongly advocated by women who used to be separated from their babies in hospital. It is, if anything, a question of allowing new mothers to have a spouse or wife to assist them. Especially in times of understaffing
Starting with the very painful case of the newborn baby who died at the Pertini hospital in Rome -probably by accidental suffocation, the judiciary will ascertain the causes: it could also be 'cot death' or something else- many and many conclude that rooming-in is a dangerous and wrong practice and that babies should stay in nurseries. I remember, however, that in the past women fought hard for rooming-in and for more than obvious reasons: not to be separated from the newborn after the long cohabitation [...].
Read now
16 January 2023
Italian psychoanalysts: stop puberty blockers
The Italian Psychoanalytic Society criticises puberty blockers for children: dangerous and experimental treatment. And joins gender critical feminists and parents in calling for scientific data and a public debate on the best treatment for children suffering from gender dysphoria
For years we gender critical feminists have been fighting against the scandal of the medicalisation of children in the name of gender identity. And for years we have been branded as fascists, reactionaries, bigots. Today at last an accredited Italian scientific society, the Italian Psychoanalytic Society (SPI), is taking a stand, joining us in raising a cry of alarm: the use of puberty blockers is an experimental treatment that has no solid scientific basis, and causes serious side effects. Above all, in most cases dysphoria [...]
Read now
14 January 2023
UK: health service backs down on 'transgender maternity' services after midwives revolt
Fighting is needed: in Great Britain midwives and nurses are rebelling against the announced opening of courses and wards dedicated to the pregnancy and birth of 'trans and non-binary' people. And the NHS stops the initiative. Meanwhile, in the USA there is talk of uterus transplants between living people: donor women for the benefit of men who wish to have 'female physiological experiences'. The old patriarchal dream: to take the place of women. Today acted out by neo-patriarchs T
Fighting serves. The revolt of midwives and nurses has foiled the English National Health Service's (NHS) plan to organise dedicated 'transgender maternity' services. On 16 December, an advertisement had appeared to recruit staff to manage the training of 'trans and non-binary people giving birth' in 40 NHS maternity services, an announcement that provoked an immediate reaction from midwives. A group of around 300 nurses, midwives and psychologists wrote an open letter to Lizzie [...]
Read now
31 December 2022
New NO from the Supreme Court to the registration of 'two fathers' from surrogacy
For the second time, the Supreme Court reiterates: those birth certificates drawn up abroad cannot be registered by Italian registry offices. For the biological father's partner, the only way is adoption. Surrogacy remains a high disvalue and violates the dignity of women. Mayor Sala should immediately stop transcribing them, as requested in our complaint
Judgements must be read carefully because the devil, so to speak, is in the details. But there is no doubt that the United Sections of the Court of Cassation, in its ruling 38162 filed yesterday, once again rejected the request for full and automatic registration of the birth certificates of children born abroad by womb surrogacy, allowing the registry office only to indicate the biological parent. The application was very simple. In short: the birth certificate made in Canada of a child born by [...]
Read now
21 December 2022
A complaint against Beppe Sala
The mayor of Milan has unilaterally decided to register the birth certificates of children 'of homogenous couples', including those born from uterus for rent, a practice that is a crime in Italy and that even Europe stigmatises as exploitation. Faced with the refusal of any political confrontation, the Network for the Inviolability of the Feminine Body turns to the judiciary to assess a possible violation of the law: the registry office, in fact, is strictly within the competence of the central State
On 2 July 2022 on the occasion of Gay Pride, the mayor of Milan Beppe Sala publicly announced from the stage of the event that he had 'as of yesterday reactivated the recognition of children born in Italy to homogenous couples. It is with great joy that I personally signed it yesterday in my office,' adding that 'Milan wants to be the capital of rights and duties!' The practice of uterus for rent -or gestation for others- can in no way be considered a right. [...]
Read now
21 October 2022
Women-containers: pro-life and pro-utero for hire see eye to eye
For one and the other, the female body must make itself available to 'produce' the unborn child by renouncing the possibility of choice once pregnancy has begun. But a new life only really begins when there is a maternal yes: a fact that is unattainable and unattainable by law. Otherwise the only possibility is compulsion.
At least three things can be said about the bill filed by Maurizio Gasparri to amend Article 1 of the Civil Code and introduce into our legal system the recognition of the legal capacity of the conceived 'with the intention of preventing voluntary abortion in any form, whether legal or clandestine'. The first: it is highly unlikely that the bill will reach parliamentary halls. The immediate consequence of its approval would be the substantial inapplicability of law 194 because abortion would in fact be tantamount to murder. None of the majority forces [...]
Read now
1 2 3 ... 16