12 February 2021

The girls' tenderness for 'the two dads'.

Please be aware that the translation of contents, although automatic, has a cost to Feminist Post but is provided to you without any charge. Please consider making a contribution via the "Support us" page if you intend to use our translation service intensively.
The contents of this site are translated using automatic translation systems without the intervention of professional translators.
Translations are provided for the sole purpose of facilitating reading by international visitors.
Share this article

Some time ago on the blog "Dad by choice"a video with two children and their two fathers sending Christmas greetings via Skype to their 'surrogate mother' (belly-mummy) overseas. Everything is perfect, smiling children, caring fathers, Christmas home, gifts, the belly-mummy, the mum-belly in connection with her children and husband: a 'big extended family', says the end of the video.

Many comments express puzzlement at this narrative of absolute happiness: Skype is not enough to heal the wound of separation from the mother.. Others build a wall of solidarity with the two men, especially from young women.

Why do girls empathise so easily with the procurers of surrogacy, especially if they are gay? Why, on the other hand, is there no empathy for the children whose mothers have been taken away, nor for the woman who gave up her body - invariably in exchange for money - for gestation and childbirth, and who is praised for her ''sense of responsibility''?free choice"?  

Rational arguments have no place in the discussion, the solidarity of many girls with the 'two fathers' seems instinctive, visceral, unquestionable. It is at least partly an automatism: the rights claimed by the LGBTQ+ world cannot be opposed, especially if you are modern, progressive and left-wing. Those who do are right-wingers, and therefore as a matter of principle any discussion is nipped in the bud.

But surely there is more -and that is the main issue-: the difficulties of young women with the idea of motherhood. The plan is that of symbolic motherhood rather than that of real mothers, the women who gave birth to us, who brought us up and who may still be with us in our everyday lives. Maybe it is our good fortune to have had a sufficiently good mother (Donald Winnicott), most of the time fortunately it goes like this. But nwe neither want nor can we identify with herThis difficulty grows from generation to generation, even if the real mothers of today's 20-year-olds are certainly different from those who experienced Feminism in the 1970s.

Those who are mothers today have been children since 1968, they have absorbed and experienced a strong idea of freedom, they have usually studied, worked, and have a much more active and aware sex life. An enormous leap compared to the mothers of the previous generation. Yet for the daughters of these women the stereotype of the oppressed and losing mother is still very much alive. And it is partly justified by the loneliness and fatigue they have seen, the lack of help, the sentimental disappointments they have witnessed, the low social esteem for the maternal role they have observed. Real life is made up of women who give up work for good after their second child and even after the first birth, with the bitterness and frustration of depending on others to get by. How, then, can we expect girls to see in motherhood positive models of self-fulfilment?

The 'surrogate' mother, on the other hand, is a model of 'self-entrepreneurship'. female, one who uses motherhood to her advantage, does not suffer it as an obligatory destiny but chooses it as a source of income and gives the opportunity to new families, really different, really free and modernto realise their projects. We do not see her physical and psychological fatigue, the risks to her health, or the state of need - great or small - that drove her to lend her body and separate from her child. She is someone who has chosen, who exercises her 'right', who is a mother but is not, or rather is in a modern way and 'for others'. that they could not be, in the case of gays because they are male. The arguments are not so far removed from those used to defend the right to sell one's body in prostitution: there it is 'sex work', here it is 'mother work'.

From these arguments There is a lack of awareness of bodies that appear disembodied and dematerialised. After all, GPA is just a highly medicalised 'technique': sperm that fertilise ova given for money by a young woman with an excellent phenotype (beautiful, with a high IQ and a good education), subjected to risky hormone therapy and painful surgery for this purpose. And then the embryo implanted in another body that is also normally destined to disappear from the scenelacking any particular genetic qualities. This body also underwent hormone therapy to accommodate the 'unnatural' pregnancy, a body that never seems to suffer, neither risk miscarriage (the 'product of conception' is genetically completely unrelated to the woman), nor an abnormal pregnancy, nor run any risks at the time of delivery. No blood, no pain, no dirt. In most cases, the baby is delivered 'cleanly' by scheduled caesarean section. A body-machine that does not feel (like the alienated body of prostituted women), does not throb, does not scream. No guts, no blood, no tears. 

Perhaps only one question could shake the confidence of these girls: would you donate your eggs? So why don't you do it, if you think it is an act of great generosity? The law allows it. And another one: Italian legislation prohibits surrogacy, but it has already happened - even in Italy - that a court has allowed gestation for others: what is stopping you from making yourself available?

Francesca Cirelli and Anna Perenna


Much of the news published by Feminist Post you will not read elsewhere. That is why it is important to support us, even with a small contribution: Feminist Post is produced solely by the voluntary work of many people and has no funding.
If you think our work can be useful for your life, we will be grateful for even the smallest contribution.

You can give us your contribution by clicking here: Patreon - Feminist Post
   - or -
You can send to: ASSOCIAZIONE CULTURALE BLU BRAMANTE
Obligatory reason: FEMINIST POST
IBAN: IT80C0200812914000104838541
You might also be interested in
5 July 2022
Mayor Beppe Sala's 'gift' to Pride
From now on, in Milan, the birth certificates of children of 'homogenous couples' will be automatically registered, including those born from surrogacy. Although the law and subsequent rulings firmly condemn the practice and point the way to 'adoption' for the 'intended' parent. But the registry office is the responsibility of the State, not of local administrations. And the Milanese have never been asked about it: all the critical aspects of a unilateral and very glamorous decision that could also present profiles of unconstitutionality
'We have restarted the recognition of children born in Italy by homogenous couples': the words with which Mayor Beppe Sala announced his personal 'gift' to Pride initially caused some confusion. In fact, children born 'in Italy' on the initiative of - and not 'by' - same-sex couples are only the children of women united with other women. The children of male couples are born in Canada, California or other procreative tourism destinations, but not in Italy [...].
Read now
15 June 2022
Mothers should not be left alone
While waiting for the details of the terrible figlicide in Mascalucia to be defined, one thing applies to all: motherhood cannot be experienced in solitude. In the absence of that 'village' that serves to raise every creature that comes into the world, places for new mothers to meet and freely share experiences and experiences are needed. To maximise joy and give course to feminine and maternal wisdom, the foundation of civilisation
The picture of the Mascalucia child murder is still not entirely clear: whether the crime was premeditated (the last embrace between mother and daughter on the way out of the kindergarten was heartbreaking), whether the girl was of sound mind, whether she acted alone, and so on. The investigators will do their work, the court will establish responsibility and punishment, although no punishment can be greater than the one the mother inflicted on herself with her terrible act. But one [...]
Read now
10 June 2022
Madonna mistress sadomasochism
A bare-breasted Madonna dressed as an S&M mistress paraded on the shoulders of a group of protesters during the Pride in Cremona. These are the reflections of Daniela Tuscano
Maria vulva sacra, Our Lady of Milk, is one of the oldest and most venerated icons, especially in the Middle East and Ethiopia, where Christianity took root from the first century. Even today, the Grotto of Milk in Jerusalem is the destination of incessant pilgrimages of women expecting or wishing to become mothers. Every 29 April, the Orthodox Church celebrates with a splendid hymn the breasts of Mary, the 'life-giving Spring' that lifts the sick from their beds, frees the afflicted, strengthens the frail, [...]
Read now
1 May 2022
This is Georgia
Surrogacy, gender identity, motherhood: on many issues, the positions of the leader who now looks to the premiership coincide with those of feminism, snubbed by the left. What to do in the face of this challenge? Can the women's movement dialogue with the right?
Giorgia Meloni could become the first woman prime minister in our country. She no longer hides her ambition and if she knows how to do the right things by next spring - or rather, if she does not do the wrong things - and if she manages to escape the volleys of friendly fire, no less intense and insidious than enemy fire, she will be able to achieve her goal, having only herself to thank for the mistakes of her opponents: no one has co-opted her - see here - she has no master [...].
Read now
12 April 2022
Towards the abolition of surrogacy: an anthology and a debate
CIAMS publishes a multi-voice book against the uterus for rent and discusses it in an open webinar. In the meantime, in Italy, which is preparing to "welcome" the Fiera dell'Utero in Affitto (in Milan on 21-22 May), two bills are already being discussed that would extend the punishability of the practice even when carried out abroad. And a popular initiative bill is on the way
While in Italy we are preparing to "welcome" the Fair of the surrogate motherhood, scheduled for 21-22 May in a place still unknown - we will know only at the last minute - and in addition to the two bills already under discussion in the Commission of Justice of the Chamber of Deputies, proposals that call for the punishment of "surrogate motherhood even if carried out abroad, is preparing a draft law of popular initiative with a collection of signatures for a definitive stop to the practice - we will soon give details - next 28 April [...]
Read now
6 April 2022
There is a war in Ukraine. Do you go to Prague to rent wombs?
Sold as 'altruistic' - but with 'reimbursement of expenses' equal to Ukrainian rates - GPA could become a new business in the Czech Republic given the tragedy in Kiev, where children are not picked up by clients frightened by the conflict. With all-inclusive packages, including cultural attractions and good restaurants. Meanwhile, in Spain, a Supreme Court ruling reiterates the severe condemnation of the practice of "reducing women and children to merchandise".
A very recent ruling by the Supreme Court in Spain states that the surrogate motherhood violates the rights of mothers and children "treated as mere commodities", reiterating the ban. The High Court affirms that this type of contract "causes damage to the best interests of the child and an exploitation of women that is unacceptable" and violates the fundamental rights recognised by the Constitution and international conventions on human rights, and therefore "is therefore manifestly contrary to our public order". Both women and [...]
Read now
1 2 3 ... 16